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Humor and woodsy wisdom by Laura Lollar

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road trip

Spooky Guy in the Utah Mountains

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You never know what (or who) you’re going to find when exploring through the mountains. Take Utah for example.

Utah Fish Lake Pando Clone

We discovered the largest living organism in the world in Utah’s Fish Lake National Forest —it’s one hundred and six acres of aspen trees grown from a single seed. Trees in the “Pando Clone” are 80,000 years old and they’re connected to a root system weighing in at 13 million pounds. The U.S. Postal Service named it as one of “the Wonders of America.” It was a beautiful surprise.

Life is full of surprises! During a camping trip in the Utah back woods, we took the ATV (four wheel all terrain vehicle) through fields and forests. There were wildflowers, patches of snow and piney fresh air.

It was a fun and adventurous trip — the same trip where we met a big man with a miniature poodle strapped to his chest. He looked like a football defensive player, which made the poodle seem even more tiny. He was driving an ATV and the poodle was bumping up and down in the baby carrier as he drove through gullies, rutted roads and snow drifts. It was the funniest sight to see this big, friendly man and his wife way out in the back-country with poodles riding shotgun.

The Spooky Guy

Surprises never cease. Back at the campsite a bedraggled man appeared out of nowhere. He walked up to us way out there in the woods like he was our next door neighbor.

“Hey man, can I have a ride into town? I need to get a package from the Post Office.”

He rubbed his straggly beard, then looked over towards the truck.

“I can pay you.”

My friend was hesitant. “How did you find us?”

He pointed to the binoculars hanging around his neck. “I glassed the mountainside, and found you. It was a long hike to get over here.”

Looking the guy up and down, Dave said reluctantly, “Yeah, I can take you.” Then he headed for the camper to get his truck keys.

As soon as he was out of sight, the mountain man moved closer to me and pulled a stone from his pocket. He lifted the rock up towards my face and said, “See this? It’s so sharp I could cut your neck open.”

It didn’t take me long to make some excuse and hurry for the camper. “Hey he’s crazy. Don’t let him in the truck.”

“I’ll be alright. I’ll keep an eye on him.” Then he gestured to the handgun poking out from under his coat.

Thankfully they got back with no blood spilled, but the next morning he came ‘round again asking for another ride. He pressured us, so we had to get firm. “No pal, we’re here on vacation, please leave us alone.” Which he did. Finally.

Tastes Like Chicken

But the fun wasn’t over yet. Our last adventure happened as we drove the camper down the road and onto our next destination.

I asked, “Say, do you want me to make some lunch?”

“Sure. That sounds great.”

So we pulled the truck over at the next rest stop. As soon as I opened the door to the camper, I was hit in the face by the smell of roasting chicken.

“Hey Dave, there’s a fire in here!”

And smoke, lot’s of smoke. Good grief! We were hauling a Kentucky Fried Chicken around with us.

The source of the fumes? A pile of pillows near the wall — right up against an electrical outlet. Pillows chock full of fowlish feathers! Thankfully, there were no flames. Just a big hole burned into one of the pillows.

One adventure may lead to another. It keeps us on our toes. Keeps the spark in our lives, humor on the horizon and wonders in our world. Just like the Pando Aspen Clone, life offers a network of possibilities with roots that can lead us to unexpected characters in out-of-the-way places!

 Quotes:

“Planting depth matters…well sown is half grown.” Caleb Traugh on Twitter @Traugh_Ag

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Resolutions: So many will fail; NOT because they didn’t set goals, but because they didn’t set behaviors.” -Steve Maraboli

“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur

Books I’m Reading:

Men to Match My Mountains, by Irving Stone, historical fiction on the opening of America’s Far West

The Confessions, by Saint Augustine, considered one of the greatest Christian classics

What’s Next:

Pikes Peak Writer’s Conference, April 28-30, Colorado Springs CO

Follow Laura on Twitter @Laura_Lollar

Like Laura’s Facebook page: https://facebook.com/LauraLollarColorado

Wild and Crazy Road Trip

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Family road trips bring back fond memories, don’t they? Everyone would pile in the car and snuggle up together for hours on end. It was a bonding experience with our sweaty little arms and legs stuck to each other on those vinyl seat covers. Why, when I was a kid, we couldn’t wait for the chance to leave our friends and favorite TV shows for hours of uninterrupted time with sisters and brothers. Yes, it’s true. I’m not kidding.

So, when we moved from northern California to upstate New York and I learned I’d have to drive it alone with the kids, I jumped for joy. Why, what better way to solidify that parent/child relationship than four days in a Sprint in July with no air-conditioning? Yep, keep ‘em cooped up in a car so they have no choice but to listen to you. Nothing but 2600 miles of open road and four days of togetherness!

Somewhere in Utah we ran into road work. Two lanes gradually merged into one, squeezing us into a narrow channel that was blocked on both sides by concrete barriers. It was unsettling. There was nowhere to go except forward. And it went on and on for miles. Thankfully the kids were quiet and calm, so I could focus on keeping us off the walls. Just like a bobsled team, we swiftly sped down and around, leaning into the curves.

All of a sudden, my eldest let out a blood curdling scream and I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Mom! Get it off me! Get it OFF me!

Panicked, I darted my eyes from the chute up ahead to the rear view mirror. What was terrorizing my child? What could I do to make it stop?

But in the reflection, all I could see was a ginormous 18-wheeler. He was right on our tail, bearing down on us. He was close. Scary close. He blasted his horn. I couldn’t see the driver’s face. For a moment, I felt like Dennis Weaver in Steven Spielberg’s movie Duel!

MOMMMMMMY! GETITOFFMEEEE!” My six year old’s lungs were piercing my eardrums. The baby was crying. My middle son was yelling, “Bug Mom. BUG!” (The last time he did that, he was inches from a tarantula.)

Pressure. What to do? What to do?

There was nothing I could do (They say the only time a woman feels totally helpless is when her fingernail polish is wet. I beg to differ!)

So there we were with 40 tons of metal cozying up to my back bumper and a car full of screaming kids, barreling down a concrete runway with no escape. The bug played a starring role, but like the driver of that truck, I still hadn’t seen its face.

With nerves of steel, I tightened my grip on the wheel and yelled for everyone to calm down. (Yes, you know that worked, right?)

Then the concrete barriers gave way and we made our escape down the exit ramp and onto a wide and welcoming shoulder. Not a moment to lose, I threw open the door, sprang from my seat and rushed to the aid of my eldest.

It was about the biggest bug I’d ever seen outside a movie theater! It had a huge body with long, waving antennae and at least 18 legs. It had crawled up his shirt and onto his neck. He was paralyzed in fear. Hesitating for only a moment, I did what any good mother would do.

I asked my four year old to shoo it away!

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