braces

Well, well, I’ve been wearing these braces since last January. And I can’t tell you how excited I was as the day approached to finally get them off. I almost skipped my way into the orthodontist’s office last week, ready to finally be free of this mouthful of metal. The perky doctor sat down next to me, asked me to say “ahhh” and peered inside my mouth. I couldn’t wait for the extrication process to begin!

Things were lookin’ good, until she sighed and said, “Well, Laura, the top looks great, BUT there’s a problem with the bottom. You’ve got a small gap we need to close up, so you’ll have to wear the bottoms for a while longer.”

Visions of a big, gooey, mushroom and cheese pizza dinner disappeared like the ice cream in our freezer.

“Noooo! How much longer do I have to wear them?”

“We can probably have them off you before the first of the year,” she said.

Then as compensation for my disappointment, the technician prepped me for my retainer. She explained, “I’m going to fill the roof of your mouth with the mold material. I’ll hold it in there with my fingers so it doesn’t slide down your throat.”

Great.

Starting to panic, I said, “You need to know I have a very sensitive gag reflex.”

“You’ll be fine. Just look out the window and take deep breaths,” she said. “You only have to hold it in there for four minutes.”

FOUR WHOLE MINUTES!

So she slid this big glob of melted plastic into my mouth, then stuck her fingers in there too.

The last time this happened, I was twelve years old and I almost bit the hand off the orthodontist who subjected me to the same thing.

So I took deep breaths as I was told, looked out the window and started counting down the seconds. Thankfully I counted slow and the time was up before I knew it. I lived through it.

They tightened up the bottom braces, showed me how to take care of my retainer (which I have to wear for one week straight, 23 hours a day, then every night for the rest of my life) and I walked out of there feeling a lot less jubilant than when I walked in.

Four Things They Never Told Me About Wearing Braces

1. They never told me that after almost every monthly appointment, my mouth would be sore for seven to ten days. Not just a dull ache, but a searing pain every time I tried to eat, drink, smile or talk. Yes, they gave me little sticks of wax to affix to the sharp metal points, but then you’d end up with little globs of wax stuck in your mouth. You’d have to pry the little suckers out of there before you could eat anything and usually you’d miss a few so they’d end up in your meal.

2. They never told me that the estimated date of removal was just that — an estimate. Originally they told me the braces could come off in September, but here we are in November still sporting the Cyborg look.

3. They never told me I’d be wearing retainers for the rest of my life. Now, my husband, sweet man that he is, has gotten used to being kissed lightly (so I don’t hurt him). He said he can’t wait for the time when I can give him a big old sloppy kiss like the early days. Well, we’ll have to engage in that kind of activity before I put the plastic in my mouth at night.

4. They never told me I’d be conversationally challenged at mealtime. It’s not a good look to try and talk when you’ve been eating with braces on. Food gets stuck everywhere. There’s no way I wanted to open my mouth and risk a scene that would put a screeching halt to any kind of civil conversation. I couldn’t talk to anyone until I’d left the table to brush my teeth.

So, would I do it all again if I had it to do over?

That’s a tough question. I’m sure it’ll be worth it in the end, and there are much worse things that people have to put up with, but boy it’s been a real challenge along the way.

However, I’ve learned patience. I’ve learned that some things are worth the wait.

And I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut when pulling a loose-knit sweater on over my head!