Not sure why, but I have a tendency to say the weirdest things. They make sense to me in the moment, but as soon as they come out of my mouth (or land on the page I’m typing) it’s clear the meaning is not at all what I had intended. (Just like I wrote at the bottom of this article.)
It’s gotten to the point where my husband has started writing things down that I say. He calls them “Laurie-isms.” I’m glad I can provide entertainment for him. Most times I catch myself and we have a really good laugh together — often making me giggle so hard it brings tears to my eyes.
For example, after visiting with my niece who was visiting from out of state, I told my husband, “I don’t remember Mandy being that tall when she was little.”
He did a double-take, looked at me funny and said, “Whaaat?”
What I meant was, I didn’t remember Mandy being overly tall for her age when she was little, but she has grown up to be quite a statuesque young lady. I knew what I was saying. Isn’t that what counts?
Then there was the time we were opening the mail together. We found a photo greeting card from my aunt and uncle with all their children gathered round. My husband hadn’t met them yet and was curious as to who was who. He asked me about my Aunt Paula.
“Where is she?” he asked.
Thinking maybe he needed to put on his glasses, I pointed to her picture on the card and said, “Right there!”
He crumpled up laughing. “No, I mean where does she live?”
That sent us both into rollicking fits that brought tears to both our eyes. (Yes, each one of our eyes were weeping.)
You’d think that for someone who promotes herself as being a communications pro, I’d avoid saying things that could be misconstrued. And I’ve done it in public too — in front of a live audience even.
I was speaking at a conference in Florida and the topic was “Dealing with Difficult People.” We were talking about Dominant personality styles and to describe one of the aggressive traits I said, “…and with this kind of person it’s all about who’s on top.” As soon as it came out of my mouth I realized the double entendre, but it was too late! The audience was all women, except for one man, and the whole room erupted in laughter. I turned beet red, knowing I didn’t mean it that way.
Then there was the night before my daughter and I were going to another speaking engagement in Albuquerque NM. We were headed to the store to pick up last minute supplies and there was an almost full moon overhead. As we sat in the car admiring it, I said to her, “What a beautiful moon. It’ll be full by tomorrow. Too bad we’ll be gone and will miss it.”
I know, I know. It’s a sad situation when you mix my tendency to jumble words with a profession that relies on verbal skills. But I can count on my husband and my daughter to keep me in line.
Back when she was a teenager, I asked my daughter if she would listen to me give a speech so I could practice for an upcoming presentation. She sat in the living room listening intently, as I paced back and forth working on the words and my timing.
When I was done, I asked her, “Well, what do you think?”
Kim said, “Mom, you sound like Agent Scully (in the X Files show) giving an autopsy report.”
A chip off the old block, right? She inherited my way with words!